Staff picks: Our most bizarre dreams

Some cultures and individuals believe that dreams hold an awesome power, that they can reveal something about human psychology or predict the future or act as a conduit to the soul. Not that The Bark subscribes to any of these theories – but we do think that listening to each other talk about dreams is entertaining and occasionally hilarious. Here’s a selection of some of the most bizarre and horrifying dreams we’ve ever had.

I’ve had so many weird dreams in my life and I can’t remember half of them, but there is one in particular that has stuck in my mind for years. I was sitting on top of an enormous Christmas ornament. It was this red sparkly ball about 100 feet tall and three little people dressed as oompa loompas were jumping up trying to catch me. I think they wanted to eat my feet… They didn’t stay long, so when they left I got down and I ran into Billy the basketball player from Ned’s Declassified School Survival Guide. We fell in love at first sight. It was beautiful. And then I woke up. I have no idea why I remember that so vividly. [Caroline Rogers]

From the age of 3 to the age of 7, I had a recurring dream that happened at least once a month. It started off with me riding in the car somewhere with my mom, whether it was the bank, grocery store, or anywhere else she decided to go. She would leave me in the car while she ran inside to get something, and as soon as she was out of sight, the doors on the car would lock themselves and the car would drive off on its own with me as its hostage. The doors wouldn’t unlock and there was no escape. For the longest time I was scared to sit in the car by myself out of fear that my dream might come true. [Mackenzie Lee]

I have experienced some pretty weird dreams in my time, but perhaps the strangest was a recurring dream I had for several months when I was 8. In the dream, I was on a safari, searching for a rare species of lion. When I finally found it, it was standing on a cliff straight out of The Lion King. Suddenly, the lion pounced and bit my shoulder. The lion stopped, suddenly developing a conscience and speaking skills, asking if I am OK.  He offered me a ride on his back and of course I take him up on the proposal. For some reason, the lion sprouted wings and we flew over a lake until some duck hunters accidently shot us down. Why was I dreaming about flying, speaking lions? I have no clue. [Tori Lafon]

Some of the weirdest dreams that I have ever had were a series of dreams where I was inside of this house that I use to live in in real life, but the only catch was that each time I would dream of my old house the layout of the house would be totally different from the actual layout itself. All I can remember is just walking around my former house and feeling happy that I was there because I loved that house, but being frustrated that it looked totally different on the inside. Why didn’t my favorite house look the same? I will never know. [Litza Craig]

Everyone else’s dreams are nothing in comparison to my nightmare. I didn’t even know the meaning of true fear until I suffered through my visions that night. I can never relive that dream, but I will try to relay it currently. I was on a train track running for my dear life because chugging along behind me was none other than the sinister Thomas the Train. Thomas may seem like a kind little guy to you, but once he chases you down an unending track smiling creepily the whole time, you won’t have the same opinion. I never watched another episode. [Graham Benefiel]

Unlike many of the other writers here, I’ve never had recurring dreams, but I do occasionally have super vivid ones. One of my most vivid ones happened four or five years ago: in the part I remember most vividly, I walked into an aquarium and looked up to see a massive tank (think 10-stories high) containing two giant, prehistoric-looking sea turtles – living, breathing ones, not skeletons. There was some sort of understanding that the glass that surrounded them was totally unbreakable, but nevertheless, one of the turtles rammed the glass and it shattered, sending water and giant turtles flooding through the aquarium. In real life, I think aquariums are awesome, but they also freak me out a little bit, especially in displays that have a more “open water” concept. Of all the bizarre, terrifying dreams I’ve had, the attack of the turtles still gets under my skin more than most. [Jack H. Evans]

I’ve had a recurring dream since I was a child that I have never understood, but it always leaves me in a panicked, existential crisis in the middle of the night. In this dream, I am standing in a circle surrounded by these thick logs that are about 15-20 feet high and pointed at the end. The circle is about 10 feet in diameter, and everything looks a little off. I don’t know how to describe the way everything looks only that it makes me feel like I haven’t been looking at things correctly all my life or something. Then, a hole will appear in the logs out of nowhere, and a large, black, rubber tire will come flying out at me, and I think it’s going to hit me, but then the tire bounces past me, and the hole it came out of closes behind it. The tire also looks weird like the logs like it’s looming in front of my face or like I can finally see things in a three-dimensional view. I always wake up sad and confused. [Kelsey Kinzer]

A couple weeks ago I dreamed that I won a trip to meet U2 and see them in concert in New York City. My parents were totally fine with me driving myself to New York, and for some reason, I stayed on a reptile farm. After meeting a few crocodiles, I headed to the concert in the Disney World that mysteriously showed up in New York City. The band was too busy to join me for the previously planned dinner, but in the end we were all rocking out together, so I guess it was an OK dream. [Annie Smith]

I don’t usually remember my dreams, but when I do, they’re pretty much just horrible nightmares. One of the weirdest took place in the middle of the woods, and I was with a few friends. Long story short, they killed me. As what I can only assume was my soul was rising out of my body all pretty-like, a terrifying and absolutely beautiful man interrupted my dream and started yelling in a different language. After he finished talking his mumbo-jumbo, my eyes flew open, but I couldn’t move at all for a few minutes. It was absolutely terrifying. [Cameron Scott]